What's a Personal Reference, Really?

Category: Blog

While a professional reference can speak to your on-the-job skills and performance, a personal reference (also known as a character reference) speaks to your character. They are someone who knows you well outside of a direct work context and can vouch for your qualities like:


  • Reliability

  • Integrity and honesty

  • Work ethic

  • Teamwork and interpersonal skills

  • Passion and dedication

    • Employers use them to round out their picture of you as a candidate. They want to know if you're a trustworthy, responsible person who will be a positive addition to their team culture.


    Choosing Your Champion: Who to Ask for a Personal Reference


    The key is to choose someone who knows you well, thinks highly of you, and can speak articulately about your best qualities. Your relationship with them should be long-standing and based on respect.


    Great Choices for a Personal Reference:


  • Mentors, advisors, or coaches: These individuals have seen your dedication and growth over time.

  • Professors or teachers: Especially if you excelled in their class or worked closely with them on a project.

  • A leader from a volunteer organization: This shows your commitment to community and your work ethic outside of a paid job.

  • A long-time family friend or neighbor: Someone who has known you for years and can speak to your character and reliability.

  • A former colleague you're friendly with: They can bridge the gap between personal and professional.

    • Who to Gently Avoid:


  • Immediate family: Mom, Dad, and your siblings think you're great, but employers see them as inherently biased.

  • Your best friend from last weekend's party: Keep it professional-ish. Choose someone who can speak to your character in a more formal context.

  • Anyone who doesn't know you well: A vague reference is a useless reference.

  • Someone you haven't spoken to in 10 years: Always choose someone you have a current relationship with.

    • The Art of the Ask: How to Request a Reference with Grace


    Never just list someone's name on an application without their permission. That's a fast way to burn a bridge and get a lukewarm (or negative) reference. Follow these steps to do it right.


  • Ask for Permission First: Reach out with a polite phone call or a personalized email. Ask if they would be comfortable and willing to serve as a positive personal reference for you. Giving them an easy "out" is respectful of their time.

  • Provide the Tools for Success: Once they agree, set them up for a great conversation. Send them an email with:

  • The job title and a link to the job description.

  • A brief explanation of why you're excited about the role.

  • An updated copy of your resume. Your reference needs to know what you've been up to! If you need to get yours into shape quickly, a polished template from a service like resumost.com can make a world of difference.

  • A few key qualities or skills you'd love for them to highlight if they get a call. For example, "If it comes up, I'd be grateful if you could mention the time I organized the community fundraiser, as it speaks to my project management skills."

  • Keep Them in the Loop: Let them know when you've officially submitted their name so they can expect a potential call or email.

  • Say Thank You! A reference is a favor. Whether you get the job or not, send a thank-you note or email to your reference for their time and support. It’s a small gesture that maintains a great relationship for the future.

    • By choosing the right people and preparing them properly, your personal references can become powerful advocates in your job search. They provide the human story that complements the professional facts, giving you a major edge over the competition.


    Good luck

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